Blissed

I'm Ecstatically in love with the King of Glory
and getting more & more drunk
and Blissed Out on the New Wine of His Heart,
His Love Glory Joy Presence..

Will write an update sooooooooooon..

my leaves are dancing

.. so God's been reminding me
that it's He who is the one fighting for me
I just have to keep worshipping Him.
in spirit and in truth.

no matter how I feel
or what disgusting past filth
the enemy is trying to drag out of my heart
and throw back in my face,
God is still God
Jesus' Blood covered it all completelte
and He is still
Worth Everything.

He's so patient.
and He still loves.
I am continually amazed by His grace.
"I am dark yet beautiful"
-- in my ugliness and weakness
and broken state, covered in filth,
because of Jesus' blood,
I am beautiful and lovely in His sight.

He is the High Priest of Bliss
Worthy Holy Wonderful
Ever-Loving

and He wants to dance with me.

today I just felt so broken
trying to figure out what God wanted me to do
how would I get through this?
so many times life just seems
to be too hard,
the things the devil throws at me,
far too strong.
I felt so beaten down
so ready to give in.

just then, my best friend leaned down to me,
as I lay on the bed
she kissed me tenderly on the cheek
and whispered,
'Jesus wants to be so close to you.
That close.
Closer.'

it was so beautiful and
my heart just wept.
.. and my eyes leaked..
every tear a desperate cry for God
for Grace.
caught somewhere between reality and unbelief..

really..
The King of all the heavens,
Who breathed the universe into existence
wants to be that close to me.
To Me.

how can I not but
fall at His feet
and give Him everything?

fill me up God

so.. my posts have been few and far between of late

there has been much contemplation and re-evaluation of things

after all the stuff at work and just feeling so squished

and heavy from all the spiritual attacks,

I went back to the YWAM base to just get away and think through

things and yes, re-evaluate a lot.

My life, particularly.

I currently do not enjoy nursing at all and I feel like

it's such a waste of my time in its current context.

I know that I am meant to be in missions right now and

it becomes more and more evident as the days pass.

God is slowly revealing His destiny for me and

narrowing is down more, so that is something!

I prayed and realised that I am always so drawn to

the DTS students on my base

I just love talking to them, seeing them grow

and so.. decided it was time for me to staff a DTS.

to get in there and impart and train and give of the

abundance that God has given to me and see young people

meet God like they never have before,

to see them absolutely ruined for anything but all of Him..

.. and thus I am staffing my first DTS in Feb 2010.

It is the Outback to Safari school, which is a mobile DTS

and is focused on indigenous ministry in Australia and

then goes to South Africa for a large part of the outreach phase.

I am a little nervous, but I am so stoked!

I almost wish it was february already..

I also ended up doing some graphic work for the base

while I was there, which I enjoyed a whole lot.

I am going home this afternoon, back to my parents' place

to get ready.

to leave.

I'll throw most of my stuff out,

since I don't really have anywhere for it anymore

and relinquished my room to my younger brother.

I don't know what the future holds

I don't even know how I will pay my staff or outreach fees

but God is still on the throne and I know I am going His way

so what can I do, but trust Him?

He gave me this verse last week

when it was all caving in on me ...

I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.

From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about;
what I have planned, that will I do

~Isaiah 46:10

and when I just sit and think back over all the things

God has said to me, about me, about my life..

far out.

He has been reminding me a lot lately

of His promises,

and how He is the God who brings them to pass.

Not one of His words falls to the ground void and useless.

Awright!

I do miss my family and I miss my neighbourhood somewhat.

I look forward to some nice warm days in the city

drinking coffee and watching the water,

enjoying a few more weeks off before I come back

full time staffing DTS for 6 months.

after that.. who knows where God will lead me?

Over the past few days, I've had these moments

of just absolute joy and peace like I've never experienced

and they crop up when I think about my life

and where I am going even in the very near future.

this morning in base worship I found myself thinking about it

and talking to God.. and it feels as if..

God is showing me more of who I am,

that the way I see myself is nowhere near the way He sees me

this person I am in these moments of joy

is not who I am now,

but I know deep down that it's who I want to be

and it's like my heart already knows this woman.

and the woman who is on display now.. her time is coming to an end

she was built on lies and pain and brokenness

but the redeemed of the LORD shall return!

the other night we were in the prayer room,

worshipping hard out and I felt God take me

to another level in worship.. I'm so stoked and also so

humbled and just.. wow God!!

learning so much more about abandonment and surrender

and what it means to lay it all down and pour out

everything on Him.

God has been speaking a lot lately also,

concerning the heart of my base's ministry -

we are Island Breeze, which is a ministry within YWAM:

Within the international ministry of YWAM, Island Breeze focuses on issues of restoration and redemption of peoples and their culture – ‘To know God and make him known through His inherent gifts and expressions within the nations’.

God has been showing me such beauty in the indigenous cultures

mine included, as well as the indigenous of this land (Australia).

over the last 2 years and very lately, the native people of North America.

I'm amazed and humbled and overjoyed at the treasures He has

placed within us all.

and just how amazing they are when they are redeemed in Jesus' blood

and the way they all fit together to bring Him glory.

He is taking me deeper,

challenging me to go there

to swim and play and drown in His river.

Die to myself

to live in Him.

I want to live that life obsessed with Jesus

ready to lay down everything no matter what

just because He is worth it all

and people are worth that much to Him.

With holiness that hurts the eyes.

That makes demons scream in shopping centres.

To walk with that fire and passion that moves kingdoms

and shakes eternity.

Deep calling to deep.

..many thoughts, many things to ponder..

So this guy comes up to me and says:
'what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?'
I open my mouth and words come out like this:

The vision?

The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn’t even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose,
that they might one day win
the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don’t need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is disciplined.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs.
Who can stop them?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death, kill them?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.
It will come to pass;
it will come easily;
it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself,
the groaning of the Spirit,
the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

[~ The Vision, Peter Grieg 24-7 Prayer]

somewhere in between

God's still breaking and moulding me.
Terribly sore at times but gooood.

work was rough last week,
but God showed Himself so faithful
I didn't want to be alone anymore
so I came to the base
and ended up getting some work done, which is good.
I've been at the base doing some graphic design work
and this time it didn't make me want to poke my eyes out.
Yay LORD! haha

yesterday it was our regular intercession and fasting day,
but we also had a 12hour prayer time (rotating)
which was off the hook.
I got to lead worship for the beginning and end session
and man, God moved hard out.
so humbling!
Got new revelation of intimacy with God.
Goooooooooood.

I got to sit in on part of a DTS lecture today on destiny.
And was reminded once again of what God's
been speaking a lot lately,
just about pursuing character over giftings and even anointing.
good word.
lots of thinking and processing happening.

So I am coming back to IBSydney on staff next January
beginning with staffing a DTS in early Feb.
I'm stoked.. but I wonder what the rest of this year holds.

Been feeling for a bit now...
there is a change coming.
A significant one.
I might not like it and generally I'm not huge on change,
bu I'm getting better and feel like God is really preparing me
for things to come.
In my closest friendships, ministry and my walk with Him.

bearing the marks of His love

feels like a while since I've posted something
more than a video or a paragraph, hehe
feeling much better today,
though admittedly, I sat up in the kitchen this afternoon
and it seemed to be the hardest thing ever.
after an hour, I had to go back and have a sleep
before my head imploded!
small steps.

being sick in bed with nothing but God and
my laptop full of Drinking Music [like this]
has given me a lot of time to think and ponder and wonder.

so maybe I've blogged these thoughts and concepts
previously..
but.. so what?

this year has been so full of pain and heartache with all of the
things that God has been pulling to the surface..
..and so full of beauty and love
as He pours His healing balm over me and mends the dark
and broken places of my soul.

and in the midst of all that I began to lose sight of His heart
in that intimate way.
it became a struggle to keep my head above the water
when I really ought to have stopped fighting,
let me head sink down under
and let Him turn the water into my air
let myself be drowned and submerged in His love
and in His grace.

amid all my pain and suffering through this bad flu
over the last week
as I said, I was challenged by my girl Steph,
to enjoy God in it all, no matter how bad it all felt.
I found myself rejoicing and laughing at how Good God is
haha shaka, come on!

So here I am, bearing the marks of His love
He reminded me, in all that pain
of His heart.
His heart is the treasure that I am seeking.
I found myself back in my favourite book,
Song of Songs
and reading over the love-drunk words
of intimacy and passion
and seeing over again just how much
He searches for my heart.
just how much He is passiontely seeking me.

one time, when I was feeling particularly
worthless and hopeless
My Lover told me that
He would chase me through eternity if He had to,
just to be with me.
Not because He is incomplete without me,
but because He made me and wants to be with me.
WOW.

when I think of His heart and the amazing things therein
I feel so excited at the pleasure to be found there
in that secret place.
just You and Me alone, God.

it's from that place of intimacy and
love and passion
for God's heart
that all other things flow.
intercession, mission, warfare
it all starts there and ends there.

and the more I seek His heart,
the more I find it.
and the more I find it,
the deeper in love I fall.
God wants lovesick and love drunk followers
people who love Him that much
that they'll die to themselves and do anything
that's what brings out His deep deep love

the love that moves the earth
and changes eternity
one heart at a time.
sometimes more than one at a time! haha

More LORD, I want more of You.
More of Your heart.

I'm so in love with a Warrior God.

O LORD I need You

Capture me again

Steal me away

Take me deeper to Your heart

Surround me with Your love

And hold me close

And never let me go

So close that I can feel Your every breath

Until my heart begins to dance with Yours

Never let me go

Won’t You take me to a new place

To a realm of mercy and grace

Where love

Love flows heavy

Like a waterfall of honey

Let Your love be poured out on me

Overcome me

Overcome me

~ waterfall [united pursuit band]

love endures all things

Hang my locket around your neck,
wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing—
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters can't drown love,
torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold—
it's not to be found in the marketplace.

~ Song of Solomon 8:6-8 [the message]

love that moves eternity

High Priest of Bliss

I've been very very sick for the past 2 days
feels like a spiritual attack
but God is still for me
and the battle isn't mine to fight, it's His.
So I'm resting.

and last week I was diagnosed with sciatica
due to a spinal disc herniation, pressing on the nerve.

but God still knows...
I'm learning to enjoy God amid the pain in my body
and keep my eyes on Him
He is so joyful, how can I not be?
He's the High Priest of Bliss, as my girl Steph says!