to me You have run

it's been quite a while since I've updated this blog
and many things have come to pass during this time
mostly to do with healing and restoration.

This year has been quite rough,
with God bringing out very dark things in my heart
and also restoring lost, absent hope to my heart.
to get rid of the lies, they need to be rooted out
and replaced with truth.

A lot of it had to do with my calling and also my identity in Christ.
and I can see now God's fingerprints
and I never stopped feeling Him so close by.

My church has been having a Burn24 hr worship time
over this weekend and it's been amazing.
I was there for the opening and stayed through the night
til the next mid-afternoon.

I have a call and anointing for intimate worship
and this year over the last few months, one of the areas
that was attacked and God rooting out lies
was in that area.
I came to the point where I truly had forgotten what I was anointed for

and during the Burn on the first night,
it was around 2am, and there were some hungry lovers
scattered about the place
I took a step of faith and picked up the guitar
my friend hopped on the piano
and I worshipped God like never before
I got so drunk in His love
just singing out His heart and mine
in that beautiful place where they collide..
all In Him.

going back tonight for more shaka
to drink deeeeeeeep of His love and glory and joyful goodness

I am heading up to Brisvegas (Brisbane)
next weekend for Christmas and to do training in Jan for YWAM
then I am back to the base as full time staff.
but that is a whole different story for next time.

God's love and faithfulness tears me apart.
I love it.

me & my best friend

my dear best friend
the sister I never had..
My Lewa

the amount of things that have come against our friendship
is only overshadowed by the Good things
that God has done in it
and the deep deep healing He has been releasing
in so many areas for both of us.

this is my little pictoral tribute to the friendship
I have with a person who has changed my life in so many ways
that she may never even realise

someone I can't imagine my life without
whom God has blessed me with in incredible ways
beyond my imagination
someone who has modelled the love of Jesus to me
in the both the darkest and happiest of times.

I love you so much Lewa!

Let us go into His dwelling place; Let us worship at His footstool.
~ psalm 132:7

she is a breath-taking beautiful princess
strong and tender-hearted
a woman of the highest integrity
a lovesick worshipping warrior
who walks in eternal truth and incredible love.
She carries the heart and glory of the King of Kings.




..and she's on outreach right now
-- I miss her terribly~!!!

You are My God

I played this song last night
as I lay in bed

and as it washed over me,
I realised so many things..
in the presence of God things really do become clear.

I realised there is still so much shame in my heart
& so often I still feel like..
..how can God stand to look at me,
let lone run after me so passionately..
..fight off the legions of hell..
for me?

and there is the part I don't get:
Love & Grace.
the real kind, not the human conditional kind.

I am dark yet lovely
filthy yet loved
dirty yet washed clean

and as these things rolled through my heart and mind
I just cried and cried
and was so thankful
that I don't have to pay the price for my sins
I am washed so clean, like new
and on top of that I am so incredibly LOVED
God is revealing grace and love to my heart
anew.

so I'm choosing to move past the shame
and despite it,
to acknowledge His love
and accept it a little more
and crowd out all that ugly stuff
so that His love has every part of me.
one step at a time.

I feel like He has been singing this verse to me
over and over for a while now..
to stop hiding from Him
stop being ashamed to come before Him.

My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely
~ Song of Songs 2:14

in my life,
the hardest thing for me to understand has been
how much I am loved.
sometimes I still feel like
I need to do something to be worthy
of His love and grace and time..
but like I heard on the weekend,

He loves me because He loves me
because He loves me because He loves me
because He loves me
BECAUSE HE LOVES ME

thankfully.. He will never give up
telling me just how much,
until I get it.

and then He'll tell me some more.

dance that hope to my heart

this might sound silly and little-girlish
but I just want to run away with God.
He's so beautiful
sometimes it hurts,
in the light of my heart,
but He always astounds
and moves me
and though I have to dig for More of Him
it's worth it.

when I read His heart,
I remember Who He is
and Why I am.
and my heart feels that newly familiar
sense of somewhat intangible hope
that reverberates through my being
and quietly whispers smiles and love
beyond anything imagined or sung of
in any moment this universe has seen.

behold You have come
over the hills
upon the mountain
to me You have run
my Beloved
You've captured my heart

won't You dance with me
oh Lover of my soul
to the song of all songs

with You I will go
You are my Love
You are my Fair One
the winter has passed
and the spring time has come

won't You dance with me
h Lover of my soul
to the song of all songs

romance me
oh Lover of my soul
to the song of all songs

[ ~ jesus culture ]

my hands are covered in blood and oil and leaves

so these are letters from the battlefront.
sometimes the days are dark
and the victory, far off.

but in everything, our King,
Hislove endures
and His Blood won it all.

so I keep fighting.
I keep falling
deeper into Grace that I don't understand
and further into Rest
under His wing.

I take up His sword and He is my shield.
and I fight in the most efective way..
..

I worship.
With all that I am.

kia kaha

God's bringing up heart issues of late
deep ones.
feels like my soul & heart are being shredded
beyond all recognition..
but maybe that's the point.

it feels like too much to take.

today I was at work and fear was all over me
I felt a bunch of unclean spirits and demons
standing around taunting me
I could almost see them.

So I did the only thing I knew...
...declared Who God is and Who I am in Him.
immediately better.

ha!

He is still God & He is fighting for me.

kia kaha
kia toa
be strong
be brave

love endures all things

Hang my locket around your neck,
wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing—
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters can't drown love,
torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold—
it's not to be found in the marketplace.

~ Song of Solomon 8:6-8 [the message]

love that moves eternity

High Priest of Bliss

I've been very very sick for the past 2 days
feels like a spiritual attack
but God is still for me
and the battle isn't mine to fight, it's His.
So I'm resting.

and last week I was diagnosed with sciatica
due to a spinal disc herniation, pressing on the nerve.

but God still knows...
I'm learning to enjoy God amid the pain in my body
and keep my eyes on Him
He is so joyful, how can I not be?
He's the High Priest of Bliss, as my girl Steph says!

mangoes and moonbeams and cherry trees

here is a song I wrote
uploaded it for a friend, but hey
why not stick it on my blog haha
I wrote it about me and God
walking together
and me missing the summertime

and after putting no photos of myself on here
[well, none of my face]
now you not only get to see me, but hear me sing!

this darkness will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If i'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

stormy kind of love

went to church on sunday
was so good
drank deep of God.
I led worship, after such a long time.
went with my best friend.

Learnt more about real love
and the pain that fear can cause in this area...
..And just how faithful He is.
Real Love endures through all things and keeps hoping.

We visited the Sunday markets @ The Rocks
on the way to church...
it was such a pretty rainy day.





the soundtrack for
Love In The Time Of Cholera
is amazing.

Sigh.. that movie rekindled some old dreams
of adventure and exploration
and ...

with fear & trembling

my crusty-as shoes.. they need a wash. new ones would be better!


herself


spent the day with my best friend at Manly:
it was her birthday.
I wanted to do more for her..
we didn't do anything spectacular,
but she seemed so glad to just be with me.
that moved my heart so much.

learning to love hurts.
I mean real love.
I may be reiterating a former post,
but it seems to be the theme at the moment.

I am so afraid of the past and of myself due to the past
that it hinders me from growing at times
and moves me to hurt people when I don't mean to
by holding back so much from them
and always hesitating to go deeper.
Hearts are such delicate things,
yet fierce and tenacious and stronger than they may seem.

I learnt to love a little deeper and a little harder this weekend.
I felt like it was tearing me apart,
but taking that step was really tearing me away
from the old and the misconceptions
and the fears of the future.
fears that the pain of the past has created a dirty impure
monster inside me that will feed off and ruin
any love offered to me.
or that no love will ever be enough to encompass me
and all my failings.
and all my longings.

as hard as it is to learn to love,
it's directly connected to accepting love.
He took me deeper into that this weekend also.

I am so scared to love and be loved for me
but ironically, that is all I really want.
It's all any of us really want, I guess.
sometimes it feels so dark
but He.. He is not afraid of it
neither is He too small to conquer it and
move mountains, planets, oceans and stars to save me.

My amazing friends, my family,
they remind me that I am lovable
and that helps me also to accept
the love and affections of my Heart's Eternal Lover.
and in turn, love them too.

what a beautiful circle of intimacy.

so with fear, trembling & trepidation
screaming in my ears that this is a bad idea,
I move. I step closer to Him
and learn what it means to surrender.

My Lover, He is so faithful
and beyond Beautiful.
Deeply.
and His essence actually is love.
its not just something He does.
it's what He is.

wow. that was an honest post.

This doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place
Sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second guess
What I know to be real
Put away all I know for tonight
And maybe I just might
Learn to let it go
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
That everything makes sense
But does it really matter now
If I do not know how
To figure this thing out

Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to
Get to you

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to You

~ Lifehouse