fill me up God

so.. my posts have been few and far between of late

there has been much contemplation and re-evaluation of things

after all the stuff at work and just feeling so squished

and heavy from all the spiritual attacks,

I went back to the YWAM base to just get away and think through

things and yes, re-evaluate a lot.

My life, particularly.

I currently do not enjoy nursing at all and I feel like

it's such a waste of my time in its current context.

I know that I am meant to be in missions right now and

it becomes more and more evident as the days pass.

God is slowly revealing His destiny for me and

narrowing is down more, so that is something!

I prayed and realised that I am always so drawn to

the DTS students on my base

I just love talking to them, seeing them grow

and so.. decided it was time for me to staff a DTS.

to get in there and impart and train and give of the

abundance that God has given to me and see young people

meet God like they never have before,

to see them absolutely ruined for anything but all of Him..

.. and thus I am staffing my first DTS in Feb 2010.

It is the Outback to Safari school, which is a mobile DTS

and is focused on indigenous ministry in Australia and

then goes to South Africa for a large part of the outreach phase.

I am a little nervous, but I am so stoked!

I almost wish it was february already..

I also ended up doing some graphic work for the base

while I was there, which I enjoyed a whole lot.

I am going home this afternoon, back to my parents' place

to get ready.

to leave.

I'll throw most of my stuff out,

since I don't really have anywhere for it anymore

and relinquished my room to my younger brother.

I don't know what the future holds

I don't even know how I will pay my staff or outreach fees

but God is still on the throne and I know I am going His way

so what can I do, but trust Him?

He gave me this verse last week

when it was all caving in on me ...

I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.

From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about;
what I have planned, that will I do

~Isaiah 46:10

and when I just sit and think back over all the things

God has said to me, about me, about my life..

far out.

He has been reminding me a lot lately

of His promises,

and how He is the God who brings them to pass.

Not one of His words falls to the ground void and useless.

Awright!

I do miss my family and I miss my neighbourhood somewhat.

I look forward to some nice warm days in the city

drinking coffee and watching the water,

enjoying a few more weeks off before I come back

full time staffing DTS for 6 months.

after that.. who knows where God will lead me?

Over the past few days, I've had these moments

of just absolute joy and peace like I've never experienced

and they crop up when I think about my life

and where I am going even in the very near future.

this morning in base worship I found myself thinking about it

and talking to God.. and it feels as if..

God is showing me more of who I am,

that the way I see myself is nowhere near the way He sees me

this person I am in these moments of joy

is not who I am now,

but I know deep down that it's who I want to be

and it's like my heart already knows this woman.

and the woman who is on display now.. her time is coming to an end

she was built on lies and pain and brokenness

but the redeemed of the LORD shall return!

the other night we were in the prayer room,

worshipping hard out and I felt God take me

to another level in worship.. I'm so stoked and also so

humbled and just.. wow God!!

learning so much more about abandonment and surrender

and what it means to lay it all down and pour out

everything on Him.

God has been speaking a lot lately also,

concerning the heart of my base's ministry -

we are Island Breeze, which is a ministry within YWAM:

Within the international ministry of YWAM, Island Breeze focuses on issues of restoration and redemption of peoples and their culture – ‘To know God and make him known through His inherent gifts and expressions within the nations’.

God has been showing me such beauty in the indigenous cultures

mine included, as well as the indigenous of this land (Australia).

over the last 2 years and very lately, the native people of North America.

I'm amazed and humbled and overjoyed at the treasures He has

placed within us all.

and just how amazing they are when they are redeemed in Jesus' blood

and the way they all fit together to bring Him glory.

He is taking me deeper,

challenging me to go there

to swim and play and drown in His river.

Die to myself

to live in Him.

I want to live that life obsessed with Jesus

ready to lay down everything no matter what

just because He is worth it all

and people are worth that much to Him.

With holiness that hurts the eyes.

That makes demons scream in shopping centres.

To walk with that fire and passion that moves kingdoms

and shakes eternity.

Deep calling to deep.

..many thoughts, many things to ponder..

So this guy comes up to me and says:
'what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?'
I open my mouth and words come out like this:

The vision?

The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn’t even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose,
that they might one day win
the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don’t need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is disciplined.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs.
Who can stop them?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death, kill them?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.
It will come to pass;
it will come easily;
it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself,
the groaning of the Spirit,
the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

[~ The Vision, Peter Grieg 24-7 Prayer]