the first day of my life

Now it is time for an Update.

since I left in Nov 2009 to go up to Brisbane,

much has Occurred.

So let's break it down..

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Back to Island Breeze Sydney

I came back to Sydney in January and

joined as staff at YWAM Island Breeze Sydney
We had the YWAM 50th Jubilee Celebration in Canberra
and I settled into Indigenous Ministry and Communications on base.

Our base

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Kitchen Injury

About 4 weeks ago, I burnt my left hand around the area of my
thumb (on the back and a little of the palm)
whilst trying to move a slow-cooker full of bubbling stew.
The burns were 2nd degree, and made life hard for a few weeks
but it is healing well and I didn't have to go to the burn clinic
or see a specialist.
I do have to keep it covered in the sun for 6 mths
to prevent permanent discolouration.

my hand during the healing process

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Warriors Join Together

At the end of February, God brought a man alongside me.
A warrior after His heart.
He was already a friend over last year and is also staff on base with me.

So, I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man of God
and learning more of God's heart through it.
It's beautiful.

God is already doing so much restoration and healing through him.
He is overseas at the moment, doing a leadership school.

Me & my Warrior

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Created to Worship

I was meant to staff the June - Nov
Discipleship Training School [DTS]
but after prayer and taking various things into account,
I have decided to do the School of Worshipping Warriors [SOWW]
which starts today.
This is the first worship school of this kind to be run on our base.

Opening of the SOWW

Bollywood Hen's Night for a girl on base

I know I am called to worship and so this is a good
training ground for me.
I am very excited for what God is going to do
over the next 6 months of this school.
I want to go deep deep deeper into the river of His Intimate
Amazing Beautiful Love Glory Fire Heart

________________________________

If you would like any more information or would like to
support me either financially or in prayer,
please email me at
cassandra@islandbreezesydney.org

me & my best friend

my dear best friend
the sister I never had..
My Lewa

the amount of things that have come against our friendship
is only overshadowed by the Good things
that God has done in it
and the deep deep healing He has been releasing
in so many areas for both of us.

this is my little pictoral tribute to the friendship
I have with a person who has changed my life in so many ways
that she may never even realise

someone I can't imagine my life without
whom God has blessed me with in incredible ways
beyond my imagination
someone who has modelled the love of Jesus to me
in the both the darkest and happiest of times.

I love you so much Lewa!

Let us go into His dwelling place; Let us worship at His footstool.
~ psalm 132:7

she is a breath-taking beautiful princess
strong and tender-hearted
a woman of the highest integrity
a lovesick worshipping warrior
who walks in eternal truth and incredible love.
She carries the heart and glory of the King of Kings.




..and she's on outreach right now
-- I miss her terribly~!!!

true love goes beyond romance

I remember reading once,
something to the effect of...
"..anything worth having is worth fighting for.."

I'm learning to love.
still learning.

God has sent certain people in my life
who are a large part of these lessons.
they are the most challenging and most
difficult relationships
only because they demand a deeper level
of heart, of vulnerability, of commitment...

these are the best.

I guess if you hold back your heart
you will never really know how much love can be
and heal and extend you and move nations..

God is Love
and the word multi-faceted
doesn't even begin to describe Him.
how much more is Love beyond what we see
think hear believe or experience.
God has been really opening up my eyes
to the More that He is.
the more that He has.
Just blowing the edges of my mind with how much
we don't even realise that He is and has for us!

and I guess like this song says
love isn't a fight, it's something to fight for.
hmm.

"We love because He first loved us."
1 John 4:19

it's our motivation,
our goal,
our reason,
our essence.
because we were made in His image.

hmm just processing 'out loud'..

I heard something great from Heidi Baker today
that is so true!!
"..intimacy is the goal ...fruit happens!"
shaka!

I am my Beloved's
and His passion is for me.



I took another personality test today
(took a spiritual gifts test recently)
since I didn't really pay too much attention
when we took them in psych class at uni.

I am already quite introspective,
as I guess is apparent through my writing.
after taking the test again.. I think that
I understand some things a little better about myself
and the way I relate to other people,
the way I relate to God and also the way I view the world.

perhaps I won't share the results just now...
..haha!
still processing a lot of it.
interesting, though.

I am feeling a little under the weather at the moment.
feels like a slightly bad cold.

bearing the marks of His love

feels like a while since I've posted something
more than a video or a paragraph, hehe
feeling much better today,
though admittedly, I sat up in the kitchen this afternoon
and it seemed to be the hardest thing ever.
after an hour, I had to go back and have a sleep
before my head imploded!
small steps.

being sick in bed with nothing but God and
my laptop full of Drinking Music [like this]
has given me a lot of time to think and ponder and wonder.

so maybe I've blogged these thoughts and concepts
previously..
but.. so what?

this year has been so full of pain and heartache with all of the
things that God has been pulling to the surface..
..and so full of beauty and love
as He pours His healing balm over me and mends the dark
and broken places of my soul.

and in the midst of all that I began to lose sight of His heart
in that intimate way.
it became a struggle to keep my head above the water
when I really ought to have stopped fighting,
let me head sink down under
and let Him turn the water into my air
let myself be drowned and submerged in His love
and in His grace.

amid all my pain and suffering through this bad flu
over the last week
as I said, I was challenged by my girl Steph,
to enjoy God in it all, no matter how bad it all felt.
I found myself rejoicing and laughing at how Good God is
haha shaka, come on!

So here I am, bearing the marks of His love
He reminded me, in all that pain
of His heart.
His heart is the treasure that I am seeking.
I found myself back in my favourite book,
Song of Songs
and reading over the love-drunk words
of intimacy and passion
and seeing over again just how much
He searches for my heart.
just how much He is passiontely seeking me.

one time, when I was feeling particularly
worthless and hopeless
My Lover told me that
He would chase me through eternity if He had to,
just to be with me.
Not because He is incomplete without me,
but because He made me and wants to be with me.
WOW.

when I think of His heart and the amazing things therein
I feel so excited at the pleasure to be found there
in that secret place.
just You and Me alone, God.

it's from that place of intimacy and
love and passion
for God's heart
that all other things flow.
intercession, mission, warfare
it all starts there and ends there.

and the more I seek His heart,
the more I find it.
and the more I find it,
the deeper in love I fall.
God wants lovesick and love drunk followers
people who love Him that much
that they'll die to themselves and do anything
that's what brings out His deep deep love

the love that moves the earth
and changes eternity
one heart at a time.
sometimes more than one at a time! haha

More LORD, I want more of You.
More of Your heart.

I'm so in love with a Warrior God.

O LORD I need You

Capture me again

Steal me away

Take me deeper to Your heart

Surround me with Your love

And hold me close

And never let me go

So close that I can feel Your every breath

Until my heart begins to dance with Yours

Never let me go

Won’t You take me to a new place

To a realm of mercy and grace

Where love

Love flows heavy

Like a waterfall of honey

Let Your love be poured out on me

Overcome me

Overcome me

~ waterfall [united pursuit band]

love endures all things

Hang my locket around your neck,
wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing—
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters can't drown love,
torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold—
it's not to be found in the marketplace.

~ Song of Solomon 8:6-8 [the message]

stormy kind of love

went to church on sunday
was so good
drank deep of God.
I led worship, after such a long time.
went with my best friend.

Learnt more about real love
and the pain that fear can cause in this area...
..And just how faithful He is.
Real Love endures through all things and keeps hoping.

We visited the Sunday markets @ The Rocks
on the way to church...
it was such a pretty rainy day.





the soundtrack for
Love In The Time Of Cholera
is amazing.

Sigh.. that movie rekindled some old dreams
of adventure and exploration
and ...

with fear & trembling

my crusty-as shoes.. they need a wash. new ones would be better!


herself


spent the day with my best friend at Manly:
it was her birthday.
I wanted to do more for her..
we didn't do anything spectacular,
but she seemed so glad to just be with me.
that moved my heart so much.

learning to love hurts.
I mean real love.
I may be reiterating a former post,
but it seems to be the theme at the moment.

I am so afraid of the past and of myself due to the past
that it hinders me from growing at times
and moves me to hurt people when I don't mean to
by holding back so much from them
and always hesitating to go deeper.
Hearts are such delicate things,
yet fierce and tenacious and stronger than they may seem.

I learnt to love a little deeper and a little harder this weekend.
I felt like it was tearing me apart,
but taking that step was really tearing me away
from the old and the misconceptions
and the fears of the future.
fears that the pain of the past has created a dirty impure
monster inside me that will feed off and ruin
any love offered to me.
or that no love will ever be enough to encompass me
and all my failings.
and all my longings.

as hard as it is to learn to love,
it's directly connected to accepting love.
He took me deeper into that this weekend also.

I am so scared to love and be loved for me
but ironically, that is all I really want.
It's all any of us really want, I guess.
sometimes it feels so dark
but He.. He is not afraid of it
neither is He too small to conquer it and
move mountains, planets, oceans and stars to save me.

My amazing friends, my family,
they remind me that I am lovable
and that helps me also to accept
the love and affections of my Heart's Eternal Lover.
and in turn, love them too.

what a beautiful circle of intimacy.

so with fear, trembling & trepidation
screaming in my ears that this is a bad idea,
I move. I step closer to Him
and learn what it means to surrender.

My Lover, He is so faithful
and beyond Beautiful.
Deeply.
and His essence actually is love.
its not just something He does.
it's what He is.

wow. that was an honest post.

This doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place
Sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second guess
What I know to be real
Put away all I know for tonight
And maybe I just might
Learn to let it go
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
That everything makes sense
But does it really matter now
If I do not know how
To figure this thing out

Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to
Get to you

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to You

~ Lifehouse