..come share Your secrets with me ..take me into the wild of nature ..the barren land of deep honey where the water moves with Your breath ..whisper Your raging love to my savage heart..

~Losana

love endures all things

Hang my locket around your neck,
wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing—
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters can't drown love,
torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold—
it's not to be found in the marketplace.

~ Song of Solomon 8:6-8 [the message]

envelopes of verse

over the last year, I have been attempting to
learn to play the djembe.
I caught a little of The Visitor tonight
[praise God for cable tv, haha]
I plan on watching it in its entirety tomorrow..
its a beautiful movie.
this scene particularly, caught my eye
Beautiful.



now I am watching Love In The Time of Cholera.
I started reading it at uni last year
but studies and other things got in the way
and I never did finish it.
I found it to be beautifully written...

with fear & trembling

my crusty-as shoes.. they need a wash. new ones would be better!


herself


spent the day with my best friend at Manly:
it was her birthday.
I wanted to do more for her..
we didn't do anything spectacular,
but she seemed so glad to just be with me.
that moved my heart so much.

learning to love hurts.
I mean real love.
I may be reiterating a former post,
but it seems to be the theme at the moment.

I am so afraid of the past and of myself due to the past
that it hinders me from growing at times
and moves me to hurt people when I don't mean to
by holding back so much from them
and always hesitating to go deeper.
Hearts are such delicate things,
yet fierce and tenacious and stronger than they may seem.

I learnt to love a little deeper and a little harder this weekend.
I felt like it was tearing me apart,
but taking that step was really tearing me away
from the old and the misconceptions
and the fears of the future.
fears that the pain of the past has created a dirty impure
monster inside me that will feed off and ruin
any love offered to me.
or that no love will ever be enough to encompass me
and all my failings.
and all my longings.

as hard as it is to learn to love,
it's directly connected to accepting love.
He took me deeper into that this weekend also.

I am so scared to love and be loved for me
but ironically, that is all I really want.
It's all any of us really want, I guess.
sometimes it feels so dark
but He.. He is not afraid of it
neither is He too small to conquer it and
move mountains, planets, oceans and stars to save me.

My amazing friends, my family,
they remind me that I am lovable
and that helps me also to accept
the love and affections of my Heart's Eternal Lover.
and in turn, love them too.

what a beautiful circle of intimacy.

so with fear, trembling & trepidation
screaming in my ears that this is a bad idea,
I move. I step closer to Him
and learn what it means to surrender.

My Lover, He is so faithful
and beyond Beautiful.
Deeply.
and His essence actually is love.
its not just something He does.
it's what He is.

wow. that was an honest post.

This doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place
Sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second guess
What I know to be real
Put away all I know for tonight
And maybe I just might
Learn to let it go
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
That everything makes sense
But does it really matter now
If I do not know how
To figure this thing out

Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to
Get to you

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to You

~ Lifehouse

2 musos I love

my soul can't dance without You

I haven't been blogging lately, due to a really bad cold
knocked me for a six and I was out for over a week.
Still not feeling fully better, but at least I'm not in bed anymore.

at the beginning of this year, God said He was
going to to teach me to fight
and boy has He.
to learn one has to practice, right?
well, I've had a lot of things to practice with.

it's all worth it in the end.
the darkest of nights is always worth
the radiant dawn to follow.
so, I press on and keep my eyes on Jesus
even when things feel blurred and
truth is all topsy-turvy,
He's still worth it.
He's still Love beyond all imagination.

I want to be found faithful.

He's been restoring so much to my broken bleeding heart.
Opening up old scar tissue that I just wanted to ignore.
The kind that is still beating and red and torn
just under the surface.
Gently washing it clean and fighting away the darkness
as He holds me in His arms.
A love I cannot understand,
no matter how hard I try.
I just want to be Lost in Him.
____________

I have missed blogging my 3BT,
so here are my 10BT lately, to make up for time lost.

1. walking along a beautiful beach with 2 people who
embody beauty and love to me.

2. songs that move, shake, mould and break me.
The kind that come straight down from heaven and through
amazing hearts that are in constant pursuit of His heart.

3. walking in the grey, shadowy light of a rainy day,
drinking in the beauty of the fallen amber leaves at my feet
strewn along the path, just for me.

4. siting alone and feeling the brokenness of my heart and
the impending despair that was once such a close
and constant companion, and crying so hard
that I feel my eyes will fall out into my hands,
only to have my Lover say, I'm with you. I cry every tear with you.

5. the pure joy and simplicity of a bento box and green tea.
each bite taking me to new heights of gladness and grinning
like an idiot in the restauran while people look at me and
wonder, what's so great?

6. that joyful moment when the phone rang,
and a precious embodiment of love in my life spoke to me.
I'd been waiting all day for them to call!

7. the restoration of hope in my heart and life.

8. the contrast of colours in nature and people
as the weather turns colder and winter descends
to wrap us in its wonder.

9. feeling the pain in my leg subside, even for a little while
and knowing that it's already healed no matter my experience,
because my Lover heals every disease every time.

10. the ability to give love and to accept love.
and through that, to learn the deeper, mysterious
aspects of its wonder and power.

and one more Beautiful Thing

11. meeting someone who can make me blush,
but not in an embarrassing or gross way. Pure.
I love that.

you're My Beloved...Lover, I'm yours

my friend posted these lyrics,
by a band called Tenth Avenue North
amazing.

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now

Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me

You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

tiptoeing

so as you can probably tell,
God has been shaking up my world over
the last few months.
well.. ok.. He's been doing it here and there
for a long time,
but over the last 6 months,
more than usual!

and once again, it all
comes down to Love.

very lately, He's been speaking about
identity and value and love
and how it all encompasses His heart.

I started sorting through boxes today,
preparing to move
and I came across old photos and letters
friends and boyfriends
and a world so old and far removed from my present one
I find myself wondering
who was the girl that owned these things
once upon a time?

there are people in the photos I
haven't spoken to in years
and letters to and from people
who turned out not to be what they had seemed.

it's funny how life turns out.
never the way you think,
but when you walk with your little hand in His big one,
it turns out better.
More beautiful.

but no matter what has happened,
it still comes down to love
and it's love that casts away all fear and
love that transcends
and love that changes people
and love that heals.

love that sacrifices.
love for the dirty and dying.
love that is life, not art.
love that is intimate in every way.

love of the unconditional kind.
the kind I am dying to learn
and through which,
I'm learning to die.

blood & love

I've been sitting on skype talking to
a close friend
just sharing and marveling at the
grace and goodness of God.

and I feel His presence here so strong
right now.

God is so Good.
Good feels like a word that doesn't
even come close to touching that part of Him.
But it's the best one we have.

My heart is bubbling over
and feels as though it would
burst from my chest.

He is showing me that He is a warrior.
Once, this thought scared me,
but His weapons are Love, Grace, Hope & Truth.
And The Blood.



I'm in love with a Man I'm in love with a Stranger
I'm in love with my Maker whom I have never seen
I'm in love with the Lamb I'm in love with the Lion
I'm in love with my Savior whom I have yet to know

O won't You let me love You more, this is all that I desire
Won't You let me love You more this is all that I require
Won't You let me love You more this is my deepest heart's desire
Won't You let me love You more still more and more

You could give to me the gift of walking on water
maybe I will raise the dead
I have one life to live all I have to give to You is love
I have one life to live all I have to give to You is love

If I never walk on water if I never see the miracles
if I never hear your voice so loud
Just knowing that You love me is enough to keep me here
Just hearing those words is enough is enough to satisfy
You do You do You satisfy I couldn't leave even if a tried
I must have You I must have You

When it's been said and when it's all been done
When the race is run it all comes to love