it's been quite a while since I've updated this blog and many things have come to pass during this time mostly to do with healing and restoration.
This year has been quite rough, with God bringing out very dark things in my heart and also restoring lost, absent hope to my heart. to get rid of the lies, they need to be rooted out and replaced with truth.
A lot of it had to do with my calling and also my identity in Christ. and I can see now God's fingerprints and I never stopped feeling Him so close by.
My church has been having a Burn24 hr worship time over this weekend and it's been amazing. I was there for the opening and stayed through the night til the next mid-afternoon.
I have a call and anointing for intimate worship and this year over the last few months, one of the areas that was attacked and God rooting out lies was in that area. I came to the point where I truly had forgotten what I was anointed for
and during the Burn on the first night, it was around 2am, and there were some hungry lovers scattered about the place I took a step of faith and picked up the guitar my friend hopped on the piano and I worshipped God like never before I got so drunk in His love just singing out His heart and mine in that beautiful place where they collide.. all In Him.
going back tonight for more shaka to drink deeeeeeeep of His love and glory and joyful goodness
I am heading up to Brisvegas (Brisbane) next weekend for Christmas and to do training in Jan for YWAM then I am back to the base as full time staff. but that is a whole different story for next time.
God's love and faithfulness tears me apart. I love it.
this might sound silly and little-girlish but I just want to run away with God. He's so beautiful sometimes it hurts, in the light of my heart, but He always astounds and moves me and though I have to dig for More of Him it's worth it.
when I read His heart, I remember Who He is and Why I am. and my heart feels that newly familiar sense of somewhat intangible hope that reverberates through my being and quietly whispers smiles and love beyond anything imagined or sung of in any moment this universe has seen.
behold You have come over the hills upon the mountain to me You have run my Beloved You've captured my heart
won't You dance with me oh Lover of my soul to the song of all songs
with You I will go You are my Love You are my Fair One the winter has passed and the spring time has come
won't You dance with me h Lover of my soul to the song of all songs
romance me oh Lover of my soul to the song of all songs
I feel like there is this sort.. well.. wall between me and God. It's not huge, but it's enough for me to feel an absence. of intimacy. I am in a strange desert wilderness. God is still speaking, but it's like He wants me to seek to really dig for His water
'only the hungry dine only the thirsty drink deep'
so that means I have to keep pressing in
this photo is a self portrait from nikolinelr on flickr it's so beautiful and something in me connects with it identifies with it. so often we spend too much time looking at ourselves when we really ought to be looking at Him.
but I find myself sometimes thinking why me LORD? why Love? and lately.. how can You stand me?
but I guess that's where we learn to put ourselves aside, all our pride and arrogance disguising as humility and realise that His Grace is the How and His heart is the Why. it's The Blood.
I'm tired, in a way. I just want to rest in Him.
just random thoughts and a little of what's happening in me lately.
I can't understand this work of grace how a perfect God would come and take my place the stars, they don’t move You the waves, can’t undo You the mountains, and their splendor they cannot steal Your heart.
this God, who is Holy perfect in Beauty awesome in Glory is ravished by my heart
though I am poor You say I am lovely though I am dark You say I am beautiful
somehow my weakness has overwhelmed You somehow my weak love it has stolen away Your heart
[ ~ sarah edwards ]
ps. thankyou Shannon for reading so faithfully.. you're right, it's awesome to find like-hearted people :)
God's still breaking and moulding me. Terribly sore at times but gooood.
work was rough last week, but God showed Himself so faithful I didn't want to be alone anymore so I came to the base and ended up getting some work done, which is good. I've been at the base doing some graphic design work and this time it didn't make me want to poke my eyes out. Yay LORD! haha
yesterday it was our regular intercession and fasting day, but we also had a 12hour prayer time (rotating) which was off the hook. I got to lead worship for the beginning and end session and man, God moved hard out. so humbling! Got new revelation of intimacy with God. Goooooooooood.
I got to sit in on part of a DTS lecture today on destiny. And was reminded once again of what God's been speaking a lot lately, just about pursuing character over giftings and even anointing. good word. lots of thinking and processing happening.
So I am coming back to IBSydney on staff next January beginning with staffing a DTS in early Feb. I'm stoked.. but I wonder what the rest of this year holds.
Been feeling for a bit now... there is a change coming. A significant one. I might not like it and generally I'm not huge on change, bu I'm getting better and feel like God is really preparing me for things to come. In my closest friendships, ministry and my walk with Him.
feels like a while since I've posted something
more than a video or a paragraph, hehe
feeling much better today,
though admittedly, I sat up in the kitchen this afternoon
and it seemed to be the hardest thing ever.
after an hour, I had to go back and have a sleep
before my head imploded!
small steps.
being sick in bed with nothing but God and
my laptop full of Drinking Music [like this]
has given me a lot of time to think and ponder and wonder.
so maybe I've blogged these thoughts and concepts
previously..
but.. so what?
this year has been so full of pain and heartache with all of the
things that God has been pulling to the surface..
..and so full of beauty and love
as He pours His healing balm over me and mends the dark
and broken places of my soul.
and in the midst of all that I began to lose sight of His heart
in that intimate way.
it became a struggle to keep my head above the water
when I really ought to have stopped fighting,
let me head sink down under
and let Him turn the water into my air
let myself be drowned and submerged in His love
and in His grace.
amid all my pain and suffering through this bad flu
over the last week
as I said, I was challenged by my girl Steph,
to enjoy God in it all, no matter how bad it all felt.
I found myself rejoicing and laughing at how Good God is
haha shaka, come on!
So here I am, bearing the marks of His love
He reminded me, in all that pain
of His heart.
His heart is the treasure that I am seeking.
I found myself back in my favourite book,
Song of Songs
and reading over the love-drunk words
of intimacy and passion
and seeing over again just how much
He searches for my heart.
just how much He is passiontely seeking me.
one time, when I was feeling particularly
worthless and hopeless
My Lover told me that
He would chase me through eternity if He had to,
just to be with me.
Not because He is incomplete without me,
but because He made me and wants to be with me.
WOW.
when I think of His heart and the amazing things therein
I feel so excited at the pleasure to be found there
in that secret place.
just You and Me alone, God.
it's from that place of intimacy and
love and passion
for God's heart
that all other things flow.
intercession, mission, warfare
it all starts there and ends there.
and the more I seek His heart,
the more I find it.
and the more I find it,
the deeper in love I fall.
God wants lovesick and love drunk followers
people who love Him that much
that they'll die to themselves and do anything
that's what brings out His deep deep love
the love that moves the earth
and changes eternity
one heart at a time.
sometimes more than one at a time! haha
More LORD, I want more of You.
More of Your heart.
