to me You have run

it's been quite a while since I've updated this blog
and many things have come to pass during this time
mostly to do with healing and restoration.

This year has been quite rough,
with God bringing out very dark things in my heart
and also restoring lost, absent hope to my heart.
to get rid of the lies, they need to be rooted out
and replaced with truth.

A lot of it had to do with my calling and also my identity in Christ.
and I can see now God's fingerprints
and I never stopped feeling Him so close by.

My church has been having a Burn24 hr worship time
over this weekend and it's been amazing.
I was there for the opening and stayed through the night
til the next mid-afternoon.

I have a call and anointing for intimate worship
and this year over the last few months, one of the areas
that was attacked and God rooting out lies
was in that area.
I came to the point where I truly had forgotten what I was anointed for

and during the Burn on the first night,
it was around 2am, and there were some hungry lovers
scattered about the place
I took a step of faith and picked up the guitar
my friend hopped on the piano
and I worshipped God like never before
I got so drunk in His love
just singing out His heart and mine
in that beautiful place where they collide..
all In Him.

going back tonight for more shaka
to drink deeeeeeeep of His love and glory and joyful goodness

I am heading up to Brisvegas (Brisbane)
next weekend for Christmas and to do training in Jan for YWAM
then I am back to the base as full time staff.
but that is a whole different story for next time.

God's love and faithfulness tears me apart.
I love it.

you would not believe the way He looks at me

you would not believe
the way He touches me
He burns right through me

I can't hold my love back from You
I've gotta sing
Sing My Love

consumed

I feel like I am sinking.

suffocating.

I can barely breathe.

God has been really turning up the heat and

demanding more of my heart.

it's what I wanted, what I asked for

but the things of the past won't let me go so easily.

so much ugliness pain darkness evil filth

sin

is being thrown in my face

things I once did

things I want to do

sin really is a seduction.

sometimes I feel as though I were formed in the very pit of hell.

but God keeps speaking His amazing grace

that I was made in His image

and Jesus' blood really is enough.

to stop the devil from robbing me

over and over.

so I am learning to stand and to fight

and not accept these things as

the the dictating tune of my life anymore

I feel like I am dying..

almost physically.

but perhaps that is the right way

for me to die so that I can live in truth.

God is establishing truth and it's hard

because I've believed lies for so very long!

The amazing thing about Grace... is Grace.

I feel so heavy, but God is still God

and He still deserves everything I am

and everything I have

to be worshipped in spirit and truth,

no matter how I feel or what I see

He is truth and He never changes.

as Cynthia says,

feed yourself on the Word of God

or you'll feed off the lies of the devil

but I won't let go.

and He won't let me go.

'..what can I do with my obsession
with the things I cannot see
there's a madness in my being
it's the wind that blows the trees

sometimes You're further than the moon
sometimes You're closer than my skin
You surround me like a winter fog
You come and burn me with a kiss

..and my heart burns for You..

and oh forever
keep me burning
with the fire of Your Love..'

the Place where we are Destined To Live

I've been thinking a lot
and God's been speaking a lot..
about worship.
and missions.
and people.

last night it occurred to me..
I felt almost ripped off when I thought back to
the paradigm of God I was taught when growing up
..and now.. I feel like the normal place of the church
is to be that LoveDrunk LoveSick bride
who worships like there it's the last chance she'll ever get
corporately.. and individually.

it all starts in that secret place of intimacy with God.
I remember something Bill Johnson once said..
something to the effect of..
I can stand here, pray for people, impart things in the Spirit..
but the one thing I can't impart is my secret history with God.

So true. Those are the richest times in one's life
but they are also the times that must be sought after
and fought for and cultivated and decided upon by each person.
God put so much potential in all of us.. eternity in our hearts,
but it's up to us to choose to place ourselves on the road that
will get us to the realisation of it all.

God is calling His people into deep deep intimacy
like never before.
Places of His soul that He has been just dying to show us.
and when we learn to get in that place,
the overflow can't help but pour and pour and pour
into other people's lives.

It's not about programs or trendy music..
it's about fully surrendered hearts..
death to self.
people who are willing to let God have His way.
My friend Cynthia said it best -
worship is whatever God wants, When God wants it.

Phil Mason said it good when he referenced Heidi Baker
saying that the only way she can do what she does,
day in and day out, loving people
the hurt, the dying, the broken, the sick..
is to live in that place of ecstacy and intimacy with God.
that other realm where what Paul wrote about
in the new testament, becomes really real.
Joy in the midst of suffering.
the realm of supernatural God-ecstacy.

I just want to love God with absolutely everything I am
hold nothing back...
and love people like Jesus does.

banana

so.. being home is a little ...surreal..
feels like a whole different world.
I guess when I was at the base last year,
on staff, my heart was still one foot out the door
in a way
especially as I was still at uni
and terrified to commit to anything.

there is a sweet breeze sitting lightly upon the air
dancing and moving my t-shirt as I type.
the hint of winter is still clinging to life, whispering
that rememberance before it begins its journey
across the pond, as spring announces summer's entrance
like a dear old friend long since gone...

I'm going to the city tonight
to see old drinking friends I've not seen in a long while.
By drinking friends, I mean other people
who love getting drunk in the Holy Spirit!

but today.. I feel like I'm almost walking in a dreamland.
in a nice way.
today is a day for deep thoughts and considerations.
I have been thinking about many things
since being home.

there shall be more.
but tonight, I dance.