Blissed

I'm Ecstatically in love with the King of Glory
and getting more & more drunk
and Blissed Out on the New Wine of His Heart,
His Love Glory Joy Presence..

Will write an update sooooooooooon..

from the land of the barren we will cry out for rain

keep looking at the bigger picture.

a beautiful mess

I stood there, as tired as could be,
waiting for my friend
amid the busyness and movement of peak hour
in the heart of the city.
but I found myself caught up in
seemingly insignificant happenings around me...

nearby, there was a man playing effortless guitar
the most beautiful expression on his face
as his fingers danced up and down the strings
.. I felt so removed from the entire scene
as if I were watching a short film.
no dialogue as such
but immense depth character and emotion
from the players.

as the man played, another stood by
unwilling to leave.
just then, a young teen-aged girl walked past
and a few metres away,
she stopped.
she looked almost bewildered at her own actions.
She turned around and stared in the guitarist's direction
it was as if she could not help herself.

she stood there for a good few minutes, absolutely still
her face registering emotion after emotion
as the music sang to her heart.
something deeper than perhaps even she understood.
then the crowd .. and when they dispersed
she was gone.


I was amazed just watching her
gaining an insight and deeper revelation
that I barely comprehend with my head,
of just how God created music to be..
of how complex people are
and incredulous at the things we are moved by.

it was as if I'd experienced music and its effect
for the first time.. but through the eyes of another soul.

in some ways,
I feel as though I am experiencing my life
for the first time.
it's most likely that I am gaining
new perspective and as I've mentioned before,
seeing things through the eyes of hope
that is being restored to my heart.
not just hope that I'll make it to tomorrow still breathing,
but hope that there are Good things in my future
that God intends and is waiting to pour out.

it's definitely.. different.
and I like it.

I have been a little sick lately
just a bad cold..
but tired also.. and with a lot of processing
happening in my head and heart.

this verse has been in my head all day..
..I read it just before my shift started this morning..

'..enter His courts with thanksgiving; go into His courts with praise..' ~ psalm 100:4

beautiful.

these are keys
to being in God's presence,
to entering into His tabernacle
into the secret place.
and God.. the more I get to know Him
the more I see His is so much about joy.

He's been really speaking lately to me about
that whole joy in the midst of whatever thing
joy in the midst of everything.
"rejoice in the LORD always"
not easy at all,
but amazing that God would say that..

..that the way to get joy is to rejoice.
I guess if we waited 'til we felt like it,
we'd never do it.
sometimes you have to bypass your head and
speak to your spirit.

I feel as though,
for a little while there,
I lost my way and stumbled upon the outskirts of
Our Garden.

my fingers began to slowly slip out of my Lover's hand
as my view became clouded with
strains and pains and hurts
that needed clearing out.

and realising now that He had His hand on mine
the whole time.
I'm finding my way back
back into that secret place I love so much.
where His heart stands
a beacon to my troubled soul.

my favourite part of that song that loops on my blog playlist..
"look My way, look My way, My Love.."
He is so.. enduring and persistent.

I read that part of The Shack today during my break at work
just where Sarayu takes Mack into the garden
and they uproot the plants as they talk.
he is so captured by the mess of the place,
but also the sheer beauty of the garden, even in that state.
and Sarayu tells him that the garden is His heart

I cried.

my garden feels so dark and twisted
and so unlovely most of the time
but slowly,
slowly
I am learning to see it through His eyes
and I am a
complicated
beautiful
mess.

and it's a garden that He actually
delights in.

only the thirsty drink deep

I feel like there is this sort.. well.. wall between me and God.
It's not huge, but it's enough for me to feel an absence.
of intimacy.
I am in a strange desert wilderness.
God is still speaking, but it's like
He wants me to seek
to really dig for His water

'only the hungry dine
only the thirsty drink deep'

so that means I have to keep pressing in

this photo is a self portrait from nikolinelr on flickr
it's so beautiful and something in me connects with it
identifies with it.
so often we spend too much time looking at ourselves
when we really ought to be looking at Him.


Originally uploaded by nikolinelr

but I find myself sometimes thinking
why me LORD?
why Love?
and lately..
how can You stand me?

but I guess that's where we learn to
put ourselves aside,
all our pride and arrogance disguising as humility
and realise that His Grace is the How
and His heart is the Why.
it's The Blood.

I'm tired, in a way.
I just want to rest in Him.

just random thoughts and a little
of what's happening in me lately.

I can't understand
this work of grace
how a perfect God
would come and take my place
the stars, they don’t move You
the waves, can’t undo You
the mountains, and their splendor
they cannot steal Your heart.

this God, who is Holy
perfect in Beauty
awesome in Glory
is ravished by my heart

though I am poor
You say I am lovely
though I am dark
You say I am beautiful

somehow my weakness
has overwhelmed You
somehow my weak love
it has stolen away Your heart

[ ~ sarah edwards ]

ps. thankyou Shannon for reading so faithfully..
you're right, it's awesome to find like-hearted people :)

these warriors were born to fight fiercely and worship intimately

My voice is the sound of a thousand bells
Hear me nations, Hear Israel

My song is the water of the purest well
Hear me heaven, Fear me hell

My dance carries thunder from the throne of Yah
Look at me and know He is God


Let our praises rise like a weapon in Your hand
Let our praises rise Oh God
Let our praises rise like a weapon in Your hand
Let our praises rise Oh God


My hands hold the cure for every disease
They're covered in blood and oil and leaves

My laughter and tears create things unseen
Atmosphere changes, God released

My worship is armed with spirit and truth
Sacred, accepted, pleasing to You


God of eternity, wonders and majesty
God of all nations, uncharted galaxies
God who is Spirit, alive in me

my leaves are dancing

.. so God's been reminding me
that it's He who is the one fighting for me
I just have to keep worshipping Him.
in spirit and in truth.

no matter how I feel
or what disgusting past filth
the enemy is trying to drag out of my heart
and throw back in my face,
God is still God
Jesus' Blood covered it all completelte
and He is still
Worth Everything.

He's so patient.
and He still loves.
I am continually amazed by His grace.
"I am dark yet beautiful"
-- in my ugliness and weakness
and broken state, covered in filth,
because of Jesus' blood,
I am beautiful and lovely in His sight.

He is the High Priest of Bliss
Worthy Holy Wonderful
Ever-Loving

and He wants to dance with me.

today I just felt so broken
trying to figure out what God wanted me to do
how would I get through this?
so many times life just seems
to be too hard,
the things the devil throws at me,
far too strong.
I felt so beaten down
so ready to give in.

just then, my best friend leaned down to me,
as I lay on the bed
she kissed me tenderly on the cheek
and whispered,
'Jesus wants to be so close to you.
That close.
Closer.'

it was so beautiful and
my heart just wept.
.. and my eyes leaked..
every tear a desperate cry for God
for Grace.
caught somewhere between reality and unbelief..

really..
The King of all the heavens,
Who breathed the universe into existence
wants to be that close to me.
To Me.

how can I not but
fall at His feet
and give Him everything?

consumed

I feel like I am sinking.

suffocating.

I can barely breathe.

God has been really turning up the heat and

demanding more of my heart.

it's what I wanted, what I asked for

but the things of the past won't let me go so easily.

so much ugliness pain darkness evil filth

sin

is being thrown in my face

things I once did

things I want to do

sin really is a seduction.

sometimes I feel as though I were formed in the very pit of hell.

but God keeps speaking His amazing grace

that I was made in His image

and Jesus' blood really is enough.

to stop the devil from robbing me

over and over.

so I am learning to stand and to fight

and not accept these things as

the the dictating tune of my life anymore

I feel like I am dying..

almost physically.

but perhaps that is the right way

for me to die so that I can live in truth.

God is establishing truth and it's hard

because I've believed lies for so very long!

The amazing thing about Grace... is Grace.

I feel so heavy, but God is still God

and He still deserves everything I am

and everything I have

to be worshipped in spirit and truth,

no matter how I feel or what I see

He is truth and He never changes.

as Cynthia says,

feed yourself on the Word of God

or you'll feed off the lies of the devil

but I won't let go.

and He won't let me go.

'..what can I do with my obsession
with the things I cannot see
there's a madness in my being
it's the wind that blows the trees

sometimes You're further than the moon
sometimes You're closer than my skin
You surround me like a winter fog
You come and burn me with a kiss

..and my heart burns for You..

and oh forever
keep me burning
with the fire of Your Love..'